Subject: A FIELD GUIDE TO GUN SHOWS
Date: 7 Mar 1995 22:30:23 -0500
A FIELD GUIDE TO GUN SHOWS
Recently there have been some posts requesting information on gun
shows, and how they are run, and what to expect. Gun shows are an old
and honored American tradition. The basic idea-putting sellers,
buyers, and stock in the same room and letting Free Market Forces go to
work-is as old as commerce, but the American form of gun show has
evolved its own manners, vocabulary, and etiquette.
Gun shows are run by and for dreamers. Every dealer who sets up a
table seems to think that the people who attend are half-wits who will
happily pay 25% more than manufacturer's suggested retail price for
their goods; and all the attendees hold it as an article of faith that
the exhibitors are desperate men who have come in the hopes of finally
disposing of their stock at 30% less than wholesale cost. In this
environment it helps to have some idea what to expect; so for the
benefit of those who are so unfortunate as never to have experienced
this distinctively American form of mass entertainment, I offer this
guide, the summation of what I've learned from 30 years of show-going.
I've included a glossary of terms you'll need to know, and an
introduction to some of the people you'll meet.
The following terms apply to items offered for sale:
MINT CONDITION: In original condition as manufactured, unfired, and
preferably in the original box with all manufacturer's tags, labels,
NEAR-MINT CONDITION: Has had no more than 5,000 rounds fired through it
and it still retains at least 60% of the original finish. Surface
pitting is no more than 1/8" deep, and both grip panels are in place.
If it is a .22, some of the rifling is still visible.
VERY GOOD: Non-functional when you buy it, but you can probably get it
to work if you replace 100% of the parts.
FAIR: Rusted into a solid mass with a shape vaguely reminscent of a
TIGHT: In revolvers, the cylinder swings out, but you need two hands
to close it again. For autoloaders, you must bang the front of the
slide on a table to push it back.
REALLY TIGHT: In revolvers you cannot open the cylinder without a
lever. Once it's open the extractor rod gets stuck halfway through its
travel. On autoloaders, you need a hammer to close the slide.
A LITTLE LOOSE: In revolvers, the cylinder falls out and the chambers
are 1/4" out of line when locked up. There is no more than 1/2" of end
play. For autoloaders, the barrel falls out when the slide is
retracted. If the barrel stays in place, the slide falls off.
GOOD BORE: You can tell it was once rifled and even approximately how
many grooves there were.
FAIR BORE: Would be similar to GOOD BORE, if you could see light
NEEDS A LITTLE WORK: May function sometimes if you have a gunsmith
replace minor parts, such as the bolt, cylinder, or barrel.
ARSENAL RECONDITIONED: I cleaned it up with a wire wheel and some
stuff I bought at K-Mart.
ANTIQUE: I found it in a barn, and I think it dates from before 1960.
Note that ANTIQUE guns are usually found in FAIR condition.
RARE VARIANT: No more than 500,000 of this model were ever made, not
counting the ones produced before serial numbers were required. RARE
VARIANTS command a premium price of 150% of BOOK VALUE.
BOOK VALUE: An irrational number which dealers consider insultingly low
and buyers ridiculously high. Since no one pays any attention to it,
it doesn't matter.
IT BELONGED TO MY GRANDFATHER: I bought it at a flea market two weeks
CIVIL WAR RELIC: The vendor's great-grandfather knew a man whose
friend had been in the Civil War.
SHOOTS REAL GOOD: For rifles, this means at 100 yards it will put every
shot into a 14" circle if there isn't any wind and you're using a
machine rest. For handguns, three out of six rounds will impact a
silhouette target at seven yards. In shotguns, it means that the full
choke tube throws 60% patterns with holes no bigger than 8" in them.
ON CONSIGNMENT: The vendor at the show does not own the gun. It
belongs to a friend, customer, or business associate, and he has been
instructed to sell it, for which he will be paid a commission. He has
no authority to discuss price. The price marked is 150% above BOOK
VALUE. All used guns offered for sale at gun shows, without exception,
are ON CONSIGNMENT, and the dealer is required by his Code of Ethics to
tell you this as soon as you ask the price. A BATF study has proven
that since 1934 there has never been a single authenticated case of a
used gun being offered for sale at a gun show that was actually owned
by the dealer showing it.
I'LL LET IT GO FOR WHAT I HAVE IN IT: I'll settle for what I paid for
it plus a 250% profit.
MAKE ME AN OFFER: How dumb are you?
TELL ME HOW MUCH IT'S WORTH TO YOU: I'll bet you're even dumber than
PEOPLE YOU WILL MEET AT THE GUN SHOW
RAMBO: He's looking for an Ingram MAC-10, and wants to have it custom
chambered in .44 Magnum as a back-up gun. For primary carry he wants a
Desert Eagle, provided he can get it custom chambered in .50 BMG. He
derides the .50 Action Express as a wimp round designed for ladies'
pocket pistols. He has already bought three years' worth of freeze-
dried MRE's from MARK, as well as seven knives. He is dressed in
camoflage BDU's and a black T-shirt with the 101st AirBorne Division
insignia, though he has never been in the Army. He works as a bag boy
BUBBA: He needs some money, and has reluctantly decided to sell his
Daddy's .30-30, a Marlin 336 made in 1961. He indignantly refuses all
cash offers below his asking price of $475. Unable to sell it,
eventually he trades it plus another $175 for a new-in-box H&R Topper
in .219 Zipper. He feels pretty good about the deal.
GORDON: He is walking the aisles with a Remington Model 700 ADL in
.30-06 on his shoulder. He's put an Uncle Mike's cordura sling and a
Tasco 3x9 variable scope on it. A small stick protrudes from the
barrel, bearing the words, "LIKE NEW ONLY THREE BOXES SHELLS FIRED
$800." This is his third trip to a show with this particular rifle,
which he has never actually used, since he lives in a shotgun-only area
DAWN: She is here with her boyfriend, DARRYL. At the last show,
DARRYL bought her a Taurus Model 66 in .357 Magnum. She fired it twice
and is afraid of it, but she keeps it in a box on the top shelf of her
clothes closet in case someone breaks in. She is dressed in a pair of
blue jeans that came out of a spray can, a "Soldier of Fortune" T-shirt
two sizes too small, and 4" high heels. DARRYL is ignoring her, but
nobody else is.
DARRYL: He has been engaged to DAWN for three years. He likes
shotguns for defense, and he's frustrated that he can't get a Street
Sweeper, so he's bought a Mossberg 500 with the 18-1/2" barrel, a
perforated handguard, and a pistol grip. He plans to use it for
squirrel hunting when he isn't sleeping with it. He plans to marry
DAWN as soon as he gets a job which pays him enough to take over the
payments on her mobile home.
ARNOLD: He is a car salesman in Charlottesville, Virginia. He has a
passion for Civil War guns, especially cap-and-ball revolvers. He has
a reproduction Remington 1858, and is looking for a real one he can
afford. He owns two other guns: a S&W Model 60 and a Sauer & Sohn
drilling his father brought home from the war in 1945. He has no idea
what caliber the rifle barrel on his drilling is, and he last fired the
Model 60 five years ago.
DICK: He is a gun dealer who makes his overhead selling Jennings J-
25's, Lorcin .380's, and H&R top-break revolvers. He buys the J-25's
in lots of 1000 direct from the factory at $28.75 each, and sells them
for $68.00 to gun show customers. He buys the H&R's for $10 at estate
auctions and asks $85 for them, letting you talk him down to $78 when
he is feeling generous. His records are meticulously kept, and he
insists on proper ID and a signature on the 4473. He doesn't care
whether the ID and the signature are yours, however. Other than his
stock, he owns no guns and he has no interest in them.
ARLENE: She is DICK's wife. She hates guns and gun shows more than
anything in the world. Her husband insists that she accompany him to
keep an eye on the table when he's dickering or has to go to the men's
room. She refuses to come unless she can bring her SONY portable TV,
even though she gets lousy reception in the Civic Center and there
isn't any cable. When DICK is away from the table, she has no
authority to negotiate, and demands full asking price for everything.
She doesn't know the difference between a rifle and a shotgun, and she
doesn't care, either.
MARK: He doesn't have an FFL. He buys a table at the show to sell
nylon holsters, magazines, T-shirts, bumber stickers, fake Nazi
regalia, surplus web gear, MRE's and accessories. He makes more money
than anyone else in the hall.
ALAN: He's not a dealer, but he had a bunch of odds and ends to
dispose of, so he bought a table. On it he displays used loading dies
in 7,65 Belgian and .25-20, both in boxes from the original Herter's
company. He also has a half-box of .38-55 cartrdiges, a Western-style
gun belt he hasn't been able to wear since 1978, a used cleaning kit,
and a nickel-plated Iver Johnson Premier revolver in .32 S&W. He's
asking $125 for the gun and $40 for each of the die sets. He paid $35
for the table and figures he needs to get at least that much to cover
his expenses and the value of his time.
GERALD: He's a physician specializing in diseases of the rich. He
collects Brownings, and specializes in High-Power pistols, Superposed
shotguns, and Model 1900's. He has 98% of the known variations of each
of these, and now plans to branch out into the 1906 and 1910 pocket
pistols. He owns no handguns made after the Germans left Liege in
1944. He regards Japanese-made "Brownings" as a personal insult and is
a little contempuous of Inglis-made High-Powers. He does not hunt or
shoot. He buys all his gun accessories from Orvis and Dunn's.
KEVIN: He is 13, and this is his first gun show. His eyes are bugged
out with amazement, and he wonders what his J.C. Higgins single-shot
20-gauge is worth. His father gives him an advance on his allowance do
he can buy a used Remington Nylon 66. He's hooked for life and will
end up on the NRA's Board of Directors.