In the Beginning
God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly He was faced with a class
action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He
was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the
cease and desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing,
God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He
replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light", and immediately the officials
demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip
mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would
come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to
make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire;
that he would obtain a building permit; and, to conserve energy, would
have the light out half the time. God agreed and said he would call the
light "Day" and the darkness "Night". Officials replied that they were
not interested in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."
The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let
waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may
fly over the earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval
from the Department of Game, coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife
Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in
Six days. Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the
application and impact statement. After that there would be a public
hearing. Then there would be 10 to 12 months before...
At this point God created Hell.